doe, doe, doe, doe, DOE...(book #60)

THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS

by John Bellairs

JOHN: Hey, what's up, Jesse?

JESSE: Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Why, what'd you hear?

JOHN: Ah, nothing. Say, I just finished reading this book--

JESSE: Yeah? I wrote one. Years ago. It's called THE BOOK OF LIFE AND BEING AWESOME. Signed, sealed, and delivered.

JOHN: I don't think--

JESSE: Don't feel bad, nobody does. But me--I'm up doing mental aerobics every day. Push, push, whoo. Push, push, whoo. What's that, math-style? No problem. Put the calculator away. They don't make the T-1Jesse yet, or if they do, there's just one model. The prototype.

JOHN: OK. So this book--

JESSE: This book is called THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH EGGS. Sunny side up, that's how I take them, like my women and my outlook on life. Gotta keep striving. No one's gonna it for you. You gotta do you.

JOHN: Sure.

JESSE: It's like I have a whole new leash on life. Lease? Leash. Lease? When you're rockin' a vocab as big as mine (I call it the Monstrous Wang), you sometimes get a little hazy. You know what I'm saying. You've been there.

JOHN: Well.

JESSE: That's what I like about you, Kissane. Insane Kissane. Watch out for him--that guy'll do anything. Like me. They call me crazy Doe. Doen't go near him. Like a volcano--a crazy volcano.

JOHN: Anyway, this book I'm reading--

JESSE: Professor Doe, Pulitzer Prize winner. It's a little X-rated, though. Leave the kids in the can.